A Mother’s Love Never Dies…

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But apparently the ability for a paranormal horror movie to actually deliver and instill even a tiny morcile of fear did. I, along with many others I’m sure, have been anxiously waiting for Guillermo del Toro‘s newest presentation Mama to hit theatres since first seeing the previews during the Paranormal Activity 4 opening night. I’m going to be gentle and say I was…(sigh) underwhelmed. Once again I have fallen victim to the very promising 2 minute trailer trick.

I don’t know how it works for everybody else but when I go to see a horror movies, I expect to be scared. I need to be thinking about it hours after and maybe even consider sleeping with the light on that night. This movie did none of that.

Sisters, Victoria and Lily, weren’t exactly abandoned in some desolate shack in the woods. Their father apparently murdered their mother and kidnapped them. As he is angrily speeding down a snowy, winding road, he loses control of the car and it falls off a cliff. Miraculously enough, they all survive and find shelter in this broken down cabin in woods (because that’s always the safest place). This when we find out how fucking crazy the dad is, when he’s about to kill his daughters and then himself. Good thing this distorted ghost woman is there to snap his neck and body right before he shoots Victoria in the back of the head. Vulnerable and all alone in the middle of nowhere, “Mama” becomes the girls’ protector and provider (feeds them cherries and moths, yum). Five years time past through a series of creepy crayon drawings on the walls in the opening credits.

All this time, the girls’ Uncle Luke never stops searching for his missing nieces. He spends all of his money paying a duo to regularly search the woods. In actuality, these two assholes have just been taking the poor man’s money and just sitting on a tree stumps drinking beers. When they are finally found, Victoria and Lily spend some time in a children’s mental institutue being studied before they along with, Uncle Luke and his rocker girlfriend, Annabel, are placed in home funded by the hospital so their doctor can have unlimited access to them. Now, Annabel is gung ho at all about playing the mom role. When we’re first introduced to her character she is rejoicing at a negative pregnancy test. But she gives up her band and lifestyle because she loves Luke and can’t leave him.

We find out Mama can move around. This bitch is not confined to the cabin, she can go wherever she wants…and she’s a jealous one. As soon as she feels Victoria and Lily becoming too comfortable with Uncle Luke, she comes out of the wall and throws him off the balcony. So he’s in a coma lol. Annabel takes on the mommy role while he’s in the hospital like an angst teenaged babysitter. But naturally after a while, she comes to love the girls… which only puts her in the line of fire of Mama.

Now I’m not gonna ruin anymore. I think you should suffer through the 90 minutes just as I did. Mama is full of mildly spooky moments but is seriously LACKING in horror department. No WTF moments. Some major plot holes here (probably due to deleted scenes). It’s pretty slow pace but decent until the last 10 minutes when it just turns to shit. So many things don’t make sense. I can’t even. I want the all the days I wasted being excited for this back.

I give it a 4.5/10.

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About ashrenchase

You can find me... at the midnight showing of the best and worst movies. With my headphones on full blast so I can drown out my own voice singing at the top of my lungs. Working on a photo series that never is fully finished. Eating a barbacoa burrito bowl. Feeding my shopasaurus additction with money I don't have. Break dancing with my corgi. Binge reading through books I forgot I bought on my Kindle. Live tweeting everything. With a messy bun and perfectly threaded brows.

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