About ashrenchase

You can find me... at the midnight showing of the best and worst movies. With my headphones on full blast so I can drown out my own voice singing at the top of my lungs. Working on a photo series that never is fully finished. Eating a barbacoa burrito bowl. Feeding my shopasaurus additction with money I don't have. Break dancing with my corgi. Binge reading through books I forgot I bought on my Kindle. Live tweeting everything. With a messy bun and perfectly threaded brows.

Characters You Wish Would Die

Along with characters that carry the show, there are the ones you wish would just die already. Agree or disagree. I feel like these shows would be better off without them.

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-A (Pretty Little Liars)

Yes, I know that the show would be over if we found out who she actually was and killed her, and that’s exactly what I want. My God. I can’t take it aymore. I need to know. They ended the season trying to make us believe that “Red Coat”/ “A”  is in fact Alison. I wanna know how they’re gonna convince me that a teenage girl faked her own death with a matching DNA corpse, let alone all the other impossible shit A be doing (stealing bodies from the morgue, removing sunken cars from the bottom of the lake, blackmailing just about everyone, killing people). Sigh. Anyway…

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Walter White (Breaking Bad)

Who says you can’t hate the star of the show? I used to like Walt during season 1. I felt bad for him. He had a shitty life and it just kept getting worse. He started cooking meth to give his family stability after he died. I get it. But as I mentioned before that pompous attitude of his gets overbearing. He wants all the praise of being the best cook/genius but doesn’t wanna get caught. He tries so hard to be about that life but it’s so obviously forced. Also, I despise his skinhead baldy.

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Skylar White (Breaking Bad)

I couldn’t forget Walter’s better half. I don’t have much to say about Skylar other than she’s the top 5 most annoying wives in the history of television drama. If she’s the prime example of what lower middle class housewives are like then I need to stay clear of that part of the country. I don’t wanna turn into a complete cu—bitch. And she was acting like this way before Walt started being a complete dickhead so I’m not even gonna give her that. If she isn’t killed, I wish she would divorce Walt, take half his drug money (that she can frame him for if he denies) and move to the south of France. Start a new life girl. Take the stick out of your ass.

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T-Dog (The Walking Dead)

HA! He’s already dead. And he should be for giving himself a fuckass tag name like T-Dog.

That’s it. I need to start watching more shows. =/

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Shows You’d Most Likely Stop Watching If These Characters Died

Living in the reality television era which consists of D-list celebs, the wives, ex wives, or mistresses of the disgustingly wealthy, and simple Americans MTV deems worthy of making more money than 40% of this country in one episode, I’m glad that there’s a decent amount of tv dramas still around. But am I the only one who would boycott these shows if the following characters were killed off?

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Daryl Dixon (The Walking Dead)

In a zombie apocalypse where more than half the cast ain’t worth a damn, I’d be livid if anybody kills Daryl. Note, I didn’t say gets Daryl killed because that would mean a walker bit him which would mean he’s not the illest person alive with a crossbow! Seriously, I love Daryl. He’s not the redneck he used to be in those few episodes of season 1 and even then he was the only one who knew how to protect himself. He’s loyal to his group, caring, very useful and still manages to be a bad ass.

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Jesse Pinkman (Breaking Bad)

Jesse is a sweetheart. He’s not a bad guy. He just wants to do drugs and get money. What’s wrong with that? He doesn’t wanna hurt anyone. He doesn’t wanna kill people. He’s chilling. Walter came out of no where with his cancer and financial woes and fucked his life up. If Jesse gets murdered off and I gotta deal with Walter’s pompous bullshit for a full hour with no relief, I don’t think I’m gonna make it.

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Eric Northman (True Blood)

Lemme just say, I’m completely here for Alexander Skarsgard okay. I am clocked in and on muh fucking time just to see his unexplainably sexy, handsome self. Alongside with Pam, they are the only characters that ever make any sense and don’t get on my goddamn nerves. But, I could watch True Blood on mute as long as I can see Eric. And I just might have to because the storylines haven’t been up to par for 2 whole seasons now. If the writers ever decide to give my boo Eric the true death, I might just unsubscribe from HBO all together.

Movie Pick Me Up

Every once in while, we have one of those days when we have no problem with being held hostage by our mattresses and wanting to die. For me, that means it’s time for Chipotle and shuffle through my ‘100 movies that will save your life Ashley’ stash.

Today’s choice: Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist.

You’ve probably never watched it and/or you’re suddenly rethinking my spectacular judgement, but I love this fucking movie. Kat Dennings would play me in my teenage years if my life was ever made into a biopic. (I’m sure they could make her black.) And I just want Michael Cera to be my friend. The soundtrack is also really good and I’m not even a huge fan of indie rock.

The movie is a one night adventure of Norah, Nick and his awesome gay band mates trying to find Norah’s drunken friend Caroline and find the secret concert for everybody’s favorite band Where’s Fluffy? Throw in Nick’s tormenting ex and stops in NYC’s coolest little lounges, and you’ve got yourself a smile for 85 minutes. I watched it back to back today and now I can finally get up and take a shower. Enjoy and feel better!

Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist

K Pop Horror

The other night while having a That’s 70’s Show high coffee table style discussion with my boyfriend, big bro, and sissy, we stumbled upon the Gangnum Style phenomenon. I had no idea that PSY wasn’t shit in South Korea. (SMH America is constantly making all these talentless fucks rich.) Apparently K Pop fans are not as kind. They will literally skin you alive if you suck. And that’s how I ended up watching White: The Melody of the Curse (2011) on Netflix.

Struggling girl group “Pink Dolls” have been moved to a new studio by their management in the hopes that they can record and  practice a successful single that will catapult them as mainstream artists. But the right sound and dance moves isn’t the only thing holding them back. Like all girl groups, there is high tension, rivalry, and jealousy. Je-ni is a singer who’s insecure with hitting her high notes. Ah-Rang is a singer addicted to make-up. Shin-Ji can’t sing at all, but is an excellent dancer. Eun-Ju is the grandma of the group and a former backup dancer who is constantly bullied by the younger three.

Eun-Ju finds a vhs tape hidden in the studio entitled “White” which turns out to be an old unreleased music video with the right choreography and catchy lyrics that might be just what the Pink Dolls need. No one knows who wrote or performed the song so copyright laws are completely ignored and management gives the okay for the Pink Dolls to deconstruct the video for their next performance. Naturally, after performing White the group becomes an overnight sensation.

Now that they’re big shit now, each of the members all become hungry to be pushed forward as lead in the group. However, with the success of White, follows a curse. Whoever is picked as the lead barely survives some fucked up freak accident. (i.g. While recording, Je-ni is still stuggling with her high notes and is mysteriously hung by the mic in a locked studio by herself.) What’s even better is after each girl goes to the hospital in critical condition, their manager is trying to cover it up with some BS exhaustion or dyhydration excuse. LOL. It’s great.

I actually really liked it. That’s why I don’t wanna go any further and spoil it because I want you guys to watch. The pace is very different in the beginning, you almost forget it’s a horror but I think the movie is what The Grudge should’ve been like. And the song is so fucking catchy. Like Korean Party In The USA. Here’s the YouTube link, so you too can dance to this song in your nightmares. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWJ96I0v43c)

7/10

A Mother’s Love Never Dies…

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But apparently the ability for a paranormal horror movie to actually deliver and instill even a tiny morcile of fear did. I, along with many others I’m sure, have been anxiously waiting for Guillermo del Toro‘s newest presentation Mama to hit theatres since first seeing the previews during the Paranormal Activity 4 opening night. I’m going to be gentle and say I was…(sigh) underwhelmed. Once again I have fallen victim to the very promising 2 minute trailer trick.

I don’t know how it works for everybody else but when I go to see a horror movies, I expect to be scared. I need to be thinking about it hours after and maybe even consider sleeping with the light on that night. This movie did none of that.

Sisters, Victoria and Lily, weren’t exactly abandoned in some desolate shack in the woods. Their father apparently murdered their mother and kidnapped them. As he is angrily speeding down a snowy, winding road, he loses control of the car and it falls off a cliff. Miraculously enough, they all survive and find shelter in this broken down cabin in woods (because that’s always the safest place). This when we find out how fucking crazy the dad is, when he’s about to kill his daughters and then himself. Good thing this distorted ghost woman is there to snap his neck and body right before he shoots Victoria in the back of the head. Vulnerable and all alone in the middle of nowhere, “Mama” becomes the girls’ protector and provider (feeds them cherries and moths, yum). Five years time past through a series of creepy crayon drawings on the walls in the opening credits.

All this time, the girls’ Uncle Luke never stops searching for his missing nieces. He spends all of his money paying a duo to regularly search the woods. In actuality, these two assholes have just been taking the poor man’s money and just sitting on a tree stumps drinking beers. When they are finally found, Victoria and Lily spend some time in a children’s mental institutue being studied before they along with, Uncle Luke and his rocker girlfriend, Annabel, are placed in home funded by the hospital so their doctor can have unlimited access to them. Now, Annabel is gung ho at all about playing the mom role. When we’re first introduced to her character she is rejoicing at a negative pregnancy test. But she gives up her band and lifestyle because she loves Luke and can’t leave him.

We find out Mama can move around. This bitch is not confined to the cabin, she can go wherever she wants…and she’s a jealous one. As soon as she feels Victoria and Lily becoming too comfortable with Uncle Luke, she comes out of the wall and throws him off the balcony. So he’s in a coma lol. Annabel takes on the mommy role while he’s in the hospital like an angst teenaged babysitter. But naturally after a while, she comes to love the girls… which only puts her in the line of fire of Mama.

Now I’m not gonna ruin anymore. I think you should suffer through the 90 minutes just as I did. Mama is full of mildly spooky moments but is seriously LACKING in horror department. No WTF moments. Some major plot holes here (probably due to deleted scenes). It’s pretty slow pace but decent until the last 10 minutes when it just turns to shit. So many things don’t make sense. I can’t even. I want the all the days I wasted being excited for this back.

I give it a 4.5/10.